Vivâha (Marriage)

(This most informative, well researched article is compiled by Ms.Varsha, for Santhegudde Cricketers, Barkur.  )

Meaning and Synonyms

‘Vivâha’ or ‘Udvâha’ is taking the bride from the home of her father to one’s own home.

1. Pânigrahan: The groom should hold the bride’s hand, to accept her as his wife.
2. Upayam: Going close to the bride or accepting her.
3. Parinay: Holding the bride’s hand and circumambulating the fire.

All these types are included in the Brahmavivaha method followed in modern times.

The objectives and their importance

1. To liberate oneself from the debt to God and one’s ancestors. Most of the rituals in marriage are associated with procreation, which is essential to achieve liberation from these debts. When a son is born he performs ritualistic worship (pûjâ), sacrificial fires (yadnyâs), etc. and helps in liberation from the debt towards God. By performing a ritual for the departed (shrâddha-paksha) he helps in liberation from the ancestors. As the Daughter goes to her in-laws after marriage her religious acts benefit the ancestors of the in-laws. After marriage, a woman is called soubhâgyavati. This word is derived from the word subhagâ, su meaning good and bhag the vagina (yoni).
2. Righteousness (Dharma), wealth (artha) and desire (kâma) are the three pursuits (purushârthâs) to be shared a husband and his wife. ‘Dharmaprajâsampattihi prayojanam dârasdgrasya’ means that acquisition of wealth; Righteousness and progeny are the motives of marriage, according to Mitâksharâkâr in his commentary on the Yâdnyavalkyasmruti. The progeny will be good only if the couple is attached to one another, is righteous and dutiful.
3. ‘The sanskâr (rite) of marriage is an advanced form of human civilization. In this sanskâr, advice given to the newly-weds is to reduce their self-centeredness and to foster the emotion that they are a useful part of the society.’
4. Marriage is the main institution among all institutions of human civilization. In the sixteen sanskârs too, emphasis is laid on the sanskâr of marriage. Marriage restrains the relationship between a woman and a man. Similarly the social relations of the children born to the couple are decided. The institution of a family is dependent on that of marriage. Hence, the social laws influence this sanskâr of marriage. For no other sanskâr are so many other factors to be considered as much as for the sanskâr of marriage.

                    Marriage controls the impetuous behavior of women and men, which is detrimental to society. A man becomes restrained in his behavior in the society because of his spouse. A bachelor remains solitary inspite of living in society. He cannot blend with it. However, when he gets married, he blends with the society. Marriage expands his family and relations and he become expansive in his attitudes towards life. Now since the responsibilities are defined he cannot behave erratically according to his whims and fancies.

5. Marriage is a practice to reduce sexual desire. The mind gets diverted from several women to one as a result of marriage. In addition, due to vowed religious observances (vratavaikalyâs) and regulations of the married householder’s stage (gruhusthâshram), sexual life gradually decreases in a disciplined way. Later, due to each one’s qualities the physical attachment is converted into emotional attachment and sexual desire decreases further. Then conversion of emotional attachment into love without expectation (nishkâma prîti), that is, spiritual love (prîti) occurs and sexual desire gets markedly reduced. This makes it clear that the popular notion of the sanskâr of marriage being a license for intercourse is a misconcept.
6. After marriage a woman changes her name. She leaves her home and comes to live with her husband. To sum it up, since marriage is a kind of rebirth for a woman, in the rituals of marriage she gains predominance. A woman considers it her fortune to acquire a husband and calls herself a soubhâgyavatî. To display this, she either applies vermilion (kumkum) in her husband’s name on her forehead or sindûr (a saffron colored powder) in the of her hair (bhâng). The word ‘patni’ meaning wife is derived from the Sanskrit quote, ‘patyurno yadnya sanyoge’ which means ‘one who accompanies her husband in sacrificial fires (yadnyâs)’. Here, yadnya refers to Righteousness (Dharma). The main duty of a wife is to accompany her husband in spiritual practice rather that marital life. The later includes acquisition of wealth (artha) and fulfillment of sexual desire (kâma).

 Types

The main types

Brâhma: This is the most pure and most progressed type of marriage. In this, the bride’s father himself invites a scholarly and chaste groom. Then performing rituals to honour him, offers his jewel-decked daughter (Kanyâdân) to him along with gifts (dakshinâ). However, the father does not take any kind of settlement from the groom.

Daiva: The father offers his bejeweled daughter to the sage presiding over the sacrificial fire (yadnya). This is called a daiva marriage because this giving away of the daughter was done only in the sacrificial fires done to venerate deities. Though this is considered praiseworthy, it is inferior to Brahmavivâha. Here, the priest gets the offering of the daughter for his services rendered towards the sacrificial fire. Hence, this offering is not pure.

Ârsha: To fulfill various religious rituals like sacrificial fires (yadnya, yâg), etc. the father offers his daughter to the groom in exchange for a cow and an ox.

Prâjâpatya: When the groom asks for his daughter’s hand in marriage, the girl’s father offers his daughter after placing the condition that, “Both of you should follow the path of Righteousness (Dharma) and carry out your duties, together”.

Asur (âsur): Marrying the bride by giving a gift of money, etc. to the bride’s father. This is akin to buying the girl.

Gândharva: With the bride’s consent having intercourse with her before marriage. This is considered inferior, as here fulfillment of sexual desire is the prime motive.

Râkshas (demoniacal): Beating up the relatives and taking away the weeping bride forcefully and marrying her.

Paishach: Raping a sleeping, insane or unconscious girl.

Anulom and Pratilom marriages: An anulom marriage is one in which a man of a higher class (varna) marries a woman of a lower class while a pratilom marriage in one which involves the marriage of a man of a lower class to a woman of a superior class. The offsprings of the two are called anulom and pratilom progeny.

          In reality anulom and pratilom relationships are not sanctioned by Righteousness. Yet all these offsprings were entitled to the attainment of God. This was proven when Shukâchârya accepted Sûta as His close disciple. Sûtâ’s father was a Brâhman while His mother, a Kshatriya. Sûta preached the Shrîmadbhagvat and other Purâns to sages like Shounak. Though Sûta was a great exponent of Righteousness He used to consider Himself a Shûdra, due to His anulom birth.

Other types

Sambandham: In Keralâ, India a matriarchal family pattern prevailed in the Nâyar community. Marriage according to this pattern is called Sambandham.

Svayamvar: In this, a bride would choose and wed a groom of her choice.

Panavivâha: Arranging a contest and giving the daughter’s hand in marriage to the one who emerges victorious in it.

Premvivâha (love marriage): The culmination of the love of a young man and woman in marriage is premvivâha.

Sevavivâha (marriage through service): In some tribes it is custom that if a boy is financially incapable of getting a wife then he should render his services at the bride’s home so as to pay a predetermined amount as the price of the girl and then win her hand in marriage.

Vinimayvivâha: A man incapable of marrying due to financial constraints or at times due to a physical deformity offers his sister’s hand in marriage to another man in a similar situation and marries the latter’s sister himself.

Brâhmavivâha is superior to all the types of marriages given above. Hence, we shall discuss in length.

Arranging a Marriage

At what age should a marriage be arranged?

According to the Science of Spirituality: After the thread ceremony at the age of eight, a boy would remain at his Guru’s home for study for at least another twelve years. Thus parents would not think of getting married till he was twenty years old. Thereafter to develop the ability to sustain himself financially before entering the stage of the householder in the period of return from the Guru as celibate (snâtak) he would toil for four to five more years. Thus twenty-five (25) to thirty (30) years was the age group considered best for marriage. In case of a girl too, the age of twenty (20) to twenty-five (25) was considered as appropriate since after the childhood period five to six years were spent in learning how to shoulder the responsibilities of running a household. This holds good today as well.

According to Physiology: A girl matures faster than a boy in both physical and psychological aspects. Marriage of a boy and a girl of the same maturity helps both of them physically and psychologically. For that, obviously the boy should be older than the girl by four to five years.

According to the Law: The ability to procreate is the highest in the age group of sixteen to eighteen years in a girl and eighteen to twenty-one years in a boy. Thus in the interest of the nation, to control population explosion the law permits marriage of a girl after eighteen and a boy after twenty-one years of age.

Child marriages: This is a popular custom. Nowadays the wedding is held even after several years of engagement (Sâkharapudrâ). Formerly it was held soon after the engagement. Marriages were decided on the basis of the family (kul) to which the child belonged. Arranging a marriage based on the family background was a type of engagement by itself, and since in those days there was the practice of celebrating the wedding immediately thereafter, the custom of child marriages came into being. However, according to all the three Sciences – Spirituality, Psychology and physiology, child marriage is absolutely wrong.

According to Astrology

The gotra (lineage), pravar (ancestral lineage) and the pinda

The gotra (lineage): When arranging a marriage first one should find out the gotra and pravar of both the families match and then the horoscopes of the boy and girl should be matched.

          Boudhâyan has explained the word “gotra” as follows-

             Vishwamitro jamadagnirbhardwajotha gautamha |

             Atrirvashisthaha kashyap ityete sapta rushayaha ||

             Tesham saptarshirnamagstyashta manam yadapatyam tad gotramuchyate |

             Gotranam tu sahastrani prayutanyarbudani cha ||

Meaning: Gotra is the term used to denote the descendants of the eight sages – Vishvâmitra, Jamadagni, Bharadvâj, Goutam, Atri, Vasishtha, Kashyap and Agastya. There are millions of such gotrâs.

          These eight sages are called gotrakrut, gotrakâr, vruddha, sthavir or vaishya, the creators of the gotrâs. Again in every hierarchy some prominent men were born and the family also acquired fame through them. Although they were included in the original gotra they were considered as independent gotra creators, for example Kapi and Bodha of Angiras gotra gave rise to separate gotrâ named after them. Rarely, if the father was unknown then the gotra came to be known in the mother’s name. Thus from one basic gotra various famous gotra makers were created. They were called members of the gotra (gotragan). Thus a list of the eight main gotrâs and the gotragans derived from these gotrâs was prepared in the ancient times. These gotrâs were divided into gans and the gans subdivided again into pakshâs (groups), for example from Vasistha gan were derived four pakshâs - Upamanyu, Parâshar, Kundin and Vasishtha. They have innumerable further subdivisions. In the period of Sûtrâs, the gotrâs acquired importance in various aspects, for instance

1. Marriage within the gotra was prohibited.
2.  It was decided that the inheritance of the property of one without an heir would go to the next of kin of same gotra.
3. The Brâhmans (priests) performing the ritual for the departed (shrâddha) should as far as possible not belong to the same gotra as the host performing the ritual.
4. When pouring water upon the corpse the name of the gotra should be pronounced.
5. It was decided that, when performing the sanskâr (rite) of Choulakarma a small portion of hair (shendî) should be kept on the head keeping with the traditions of the gotra and the family.
6. When performing the ritual of sandhyâ one should utter the name of one’s gotra, pravar, branch of the Vedâs and Sûtra that one follows.
7. When performing any observance ordained by the Vedâs (shroutkarma) the gotra and pravar of the host should be uttered.

      A quote from the recent scriptures states that Kshatriyâs and Vaishyâs should be considered to be of the same gotra-pravar as that of their priest (purohit). This rule holds good only when they forget their own gotra and not otherwise.

       Formerly, after performing the rite of thread ceremony (Upanayan) the boy would live with his Guru to study the scriptures. Just as nowadays a graduate obtains his degree from the university, in the olden times the celibates (snâtaks) on returning home from the Guru’s place after study, would accept their Guru’s gotra and introduce themselves as the disciples of the Guru. Thus this clarifies the prevailing misconcept that people belonging to one gotra have the same family tree (vansha).

Pravar (ancestral lineage): Pravar refers to the ancestors of the gotrâs. They are one, two, three, or five number. The root “vru” from the word “pravar” means to select; to accept. The words ârsheya or ârsha are used synonymously with pravar. Ârsheyavaran means acceptance of one of the existing sets of Vedic rites (karma) this makes it clear that pravar represents the name of a founder sage of a sect following particular observances as ordained by the Vedâs. Just as the word gotra represents learning (vidyâ), pravar is associated with a sect of karma. The authors of the Sûtrâs have mentioned specific pravar sages for specific gotrâs, for example Vasishtha, Shâktya and Pârâsharya for Parâshar gotra. Vasishtha, Maitrâvarun and Koundinya for Kundin gotra and Vasishtha, Bharadvasu and Indrapramad for Upamanyu gotra. As it was necessary to invoke the three sages who wrote the mantras the number of pravar sages became limited. Thus in all there are forty-nine (49) such pravars. Association of the pravars in relation to the rites performed in the household (gruhakrutyâs) are as follows –

1. The pravar of the brides and bridegroom’s father should not be the same.
2. The number of knots tied to the waist girdle (mekhalâ) of the one on whom the rite of thread ceremony (batu) is being performed should correspond to the number of pravar.
3. When keeping a small portion of hair on the head (shendî) during the rite of Choulakarma the number of pravars related to the boy, should be taken into consideration.

Pinda: In order to avoid sexual promiscuity (yonisanskar) in man who is always sexually oriented, the Vedic scriptures created the four classes (varnâshramadharma) based on the qualities (gunâs) and actions (karma) and later established the code of marriage to prevent the generation of interclass progeny (varnasankar). It was decided that with the exclusion of the fifth (5^th) and the seventh (7^th) generation, a man should accept as a bride (Pânigrahan) a girl of the same class but different gotra (such as Atri, Vasishtha, Kashyap, Bhâradvâj, etc.) and different lineage (asapinda). As the term sapinda is extremely important in the scriptures its description is essential.

                   Vadhwa varasya va tataha koota sthadyadi saptmaha ||

                   Panchami chettayormata tatsapinda yam nivartate ||

                   Panchamatsaptmadoordhwam matrutaha pitrutastatha||

                                                                                      - Nirnaysindhu

Meaning: An extract from the Nirnaysindhu says that if one has to decide whether an individual belongs to the same lineage as oneself (sapinda) one should take any one of his/her ancestors. If he is a male then six generations from him and in the case of a female four generations from her, are considered to be of the same lineage (sapinda). That means if the father of either the bride or groom is not included in the previous seven generations or if the mother is not included in the previous five generations then the bride and groom are not of the same lineage. Hence there is no objection to their marriage.

          The offspring of those marrying within the same gotra is known as chândal (meaning one who is weak physically, psychologically and morally) – ‘Dnyântastu sagotradyutpannânâm chândâltvamev’. The frequency of the genetic disorder is heightened by marriage within the same gotra (sagotra) and same lineage (sapinda). Information about the sequence of gotrâs and pravars is given in the Hindu almanac (panchâng).

Matching of horoscopes or looking into the preordained events of life: When matching horoscopes the following eight aspects are taken into consideration – the class (varna), the matching of the lunar and solar signs (vashya), the lunar asterism (nakshatra), the species (yoni), the planets (grahâs), the genus (gan), the lineage (kûta) and one of the three divisions of the lunar asterism (nâdî). If all these eight match each other then in all, thirty-six (36) points are said to match. When minimum of eighteen (18) the better it is. It is pointless matching the points based on preordained events when the horoscopes of the boy and girl are not available. Deciding upon a suitable match by matching the horoscope is only a popular custom, and is not prescribed by the scriptures.

An identical sub-division of the lunar asterism (nâdî) is prohibited: If one of the three divisions of the bride and groom is identical then according to astrology, their ability to procreate is reduced.

The defect of Mangal (Mars): If in the horoscope any of the five positions 1, 4, 7, 8 and 12 are occupied by Mangal then the horoscope is said to have ‘a Mangal’. If the Mangal exists in the horoscope of either the bride or the groom it is considered inauspicious.  There are several exceptions to this. For instance if out of the 36 points from the horoscope more than 27 match, then it is said that there is no defect of the Mangal, etc. ‘If there is a Mangal then the bride should ritualistically worship Umashankar and the ritual of marriage to a pot (Kumbhavivâhavidhî) is performed to be rid of widowhood, as a preventive remedy. Before the wedding both parties should perform a sacrificial fire for the planets (grahayadnya). After that the marriage can be held.’

Shadashtak: Those star signs which are situated at six and eight places away from one another are known as shadashtak. Here there are two types, the friendship (maitrî) shadashtak and the death (mrutyu) shadashtak. Their varying results according to the star signs are given in astrology.

Consanguineous marriage: Though the custom of consanguineous marriages is prevalent the world over and is also accepted, it is not sanctioned by the scriptures. In such a relationship however the groom has to be the sister’s son and the bride the brother’s daughter. In some communities in South India, there is a tradition of marriage of the brother’s son and the sister’s daughter.

Ascertaining the credentials of the groom and his family, based on Psychology: When arranging a marriage the groom’s financial status, looks, education, intellect and family background are taken account. Of these, the financial status is the least and the family background (kula) the most important of all. The remaining points are in ascending order of importance.

          Inquiring about the family: Yâdnyavalkya has said that the family which is endowed with renowned Brâhmans (priests), versed in the study of Vedâs for ten generations, is superior. With regard to arrangement of a suitable match, all religious men have attributed great importance to the family. The lineage (vansha), class-subclass, financial status, genetic disorders, etc. are carefully probed into.

          One should also not marry interregional, for example the bride should not be from the coastal region and the groom from plains. Because of cultural and traditional variations the bride finds it difficult to adjust with the groom’s household.

On what does the matching with one another depend?

 If 36 points in the horoscopes match, then the blending of a husband and wife or two average individuals is only 10%. This will make it clear why it is generally said that astrology based on horoscopes according to the time of birth is correct only up to 35%. The average matching of Guru brethren is 30%.

After the death of a family member when should a wedding be held? : How far is the custom of celebrating a wedding within a year of the death of one’s parents or a close family member of postponing it by three years if not celebrated within a year, correct according to the scriptures?

          This custom is one among the many dangerous customs prevalent in the society without any scriptural or philosophical basis, or cultural justification. Generally the deceased person remains as a spirit for one year and hence does not become one of the ancestors. Therefore it is appropriate that this year be symbolically considered to be one of mourning just as is practiced nowadays. In this period the ritualistic actions (nityakarma), incidental actions (naimittik karma), family tradition of spiritual practice (kulâchâr), observance of codes of righteousness of the family (kuladharma) and vowed religious observances (vrats) are unavoidable. But those actions (karmâs) for which the performance of Punyâhavâchan, Nandîshrâddha (Vruddhishrâddha) is necessary should be avoided till the completion of a year. If they are inevitable then one should allow the month of Chaitra to pass, so that the action performed is considered to be falling in the next year (sanvastar). If one is faced with a dire emergency and if the month of Chaitra is not close by then one can perform the sixteen monthly (shodashamâsik) shrâddhâs and the Abdapûrtishrâddha of the deceased one. Then one is free to perform the rites of marriage, thread ceremony, Vâstushânti, commencement of new vowed observances, etc. These can certainly be taken up after completion of one year. The custom of keeping the marriage pending for three years is totally wrong and contrary to the scriptures.  

The promise of giving the daughter’s hand in marriage (Vâgdân/Vânhnishchay) Origin and meaning

The word Vâgdân is derived from two words, vâk and dân, meaning speech and donation respectively. Vâgdân is promising to offer the daughter to the groom. In worldly terms it means the settlement made by the parents of the boy and the girl about arranging the marriage. In short, it is the resolve expressed by both parents.

          Making the commencement of giving the girl’s hand in marriage by the girl’s father, and that of the groom’s father to accept her as a match for his son is called the commitment of arranging the marriage  (Vânhnishchay).

The prevalent custom: It has become customary in the non-Brâhman classes to perform the three rituals of Sâkshagandha, Sâkharpudâ and Shâlmudi according to the Purâns. In reality, these three rituals are incorporated in the single Vedic ritual of Vâgdân. Hence, when this Vedic ritual of Vâgdân is performed, Sâkshagandha, Sâkharpudâ and Shâlmudî need not be performed as prescribed in the Purâns.

Sâkshagandha: After the promise (Vânhnishchay) to give the daughter’s hand in marriage to the groom is made, sandalwood paste (gandha) and vermilion (kumkum) is applied to the girl to mark the occasion. This is called Sâkshagandha.

Sâkharpudâ: After performing the Vânhnishchay (Sâkshagandha), the bride is given a cone filled with sugar (sweetmeats), a sari and some ornaments.

Shâlmudî: After the Sâkshagandha and Sâkharpudâ, a ritual of presenting the groom a shawl (shâl) and a ring (mudî) as a token. Then is called Shâlmudî.

The time: Actually, this ritual of promise of giving the daughter’s hand in marriage (Vâgdân) should be performed many days before the wedding. This was practiced formerly. However, nowadays due to the commencement of new rituals like Sâkshagandha, Sâkharpudâ and Shâlmudî, it has become customary to perform this ritual mostly on the day on the wedding or the previous day, at an auspicious time. 

The ritual: First the father (or any guardian in his absence) should send four or eight male relatives to the house of the girl’s father along with married women (suvâsinîs) dressed in clean attire carrying the materials required for the ritual of Vâgdân. This is done at an auspicious moment to the accompaniment of music. Before leaving the house of the groom they should offer obeisance to God. At that time, the groom or his father pray and chant the mantra which means, ‘O deities! We have sent our friends by road, to the house of the girl’s father, to ask for the girl’s hand in marriage. May those roads be free of evil elements. May the two deities Aryamâ and Bhag transport our friends there, safely. May relations build between our family and the family to which they have gone to ask for the girl’s hand in marriage. Also may the married couple lead a happy life.

          The relatives and the father of the bride or in his absence the guardians should welcome the groom’s relatives in the best possible way and offer them the best seats facing the west, as they are the receivers. Opposite them, the bride’s father should offer seats facing the east, to his relatives (as they are giving away the bride). Since they face the east they acquire the energy coming from that direction which is beneficial for the act of giving. Then the groom’s side should ask the girl’s father thrice, for her hand in marriage and the father should reply by saying, ‘ I will give’, thrice. Then the groom’s side should pay respects to the girl by offering turmeric, vermilion (kumkum), a sârî and a blouse, some ornaments, a packet of sugar, etc. and put some sugar in her mouth. [With relation to physical (âdhibhoutik), psychological (âdhidaivik) and spiritual (âdhyatmik) dimensions it is a practice to ask thrice and a reply in the affirmative is given.]

          The prayer to Indrâyanî: The prayer to be made by the bride and the groom – ‘ By Your grace may my wedding take place without any obstacles. May I be able to acquire good fortune, health and a good son’.

          Deciding the auspicious time (Muhûrtnischay) and serving a meal to the parents of the bride (Vyâhibhojan): These are just popular customs.

          Deciding the auspicious time (Muhûrtnischay): After approval of the bride, discussion about exchange of gifts takes place. Then the day of the marriage and the auspicious time (muhûrt) for the same is fixed in consultation with an astrologer.

          Serving a meal to the parents of the bride (Vyâhibhojan): The parents of the bride are forbidden from having a meal at their daughter’s (in laws) place until she gives birth to a son. Hence the parents of the groom invite them over for a meal before the wedding and dine with them. This is called vyahihojan. It is customary to offer gifts to the bride’s parents on this occasion.

          Offering consecrated rice (akshat): The host and the hostess first and foremost invite the family deity, followed by Lord Ganapati, the female deity (devî) and the deity of the village (grâmadevatâ) to solicit their presence on auspicious occasions such as marriage, thread ceremony (munja), etc. This invitation to which vermilion (kumkum) is applied is placed before the deities along with consecrated unbroken rice grains (akshata) tinged with vermilion, betel leaves, a coconut and a lâdu (sweetmeat) of sesame seeds (til). At this time a prayer is made so that the auspicious function takes place smoothly without any obstacles. Then the host couple sets out to invite the others. In some places in India such invitations are given along with unbroken rice tinged with vermilion (kumkumâkshata). It is known as offering akshat.

Rituals performed before the wedding

          The ritual of ganayâg: The wedding ceremonies start four days before the wedding at the groom’s place and three days before it at the bride’s place. On the first day excluding inauspicious time, mostly at night the ritual of Ganayâg or Jevnâr is performed. Five married householders (gruhastâs) are chosen for it and they are made to worship the family deity using oil, turmeric, vermilion (kumkum), flowers, etc.

      The Ritual of application of oil and turmeric paste (Tailharidrâropan vidhi): The ritual of bathing the one on whom the sanskâr (rite) of marriage is to be performed after an application of oil and turmeric paste is called Tailharidrâropan vidhi. The turmeric is put in a mortar and pounded by five married women (suvâsinîs). The ability to absorb the energy generated by religious rituals is increased by oil and turmeric. The pure spiritual particles in the environment too are attracted by turmeric and remain in the body for a longer duration, due to the oil. The same principle is applied in the offering of oil to Mâruti, and turmeric and vermilion to deities.

          A popular custom: The bride and her parents are made to sit on a wooden seat (pât) on which wheat grains are spread. Then married women apply oil and turmeric to them and they are given a ritualistic bath (mangal snân). The turmeric which is left-over after applying to the bride is sent to the groom. It is called ‘ushtî halad’ meaning the leftover turmeric is later applied to the groom and he too is given a ritualistic bath.

The ritual of Gadagner: On the second day the ritual of Gadagner (or Gadagnhân) is performed. In this, five married women (suvâsinîs) and their husbands apply oil, perfume, etc. and bathe along with the bride at the bride’s place and along with the groom at the groom’s place.

Acts to be performed on the day prior to the wedding

          Definition: If sanskârs (rites) like Jâtakarma (the rite at the birth), etc. havenot been performed at the right time then on the day prior to the wedding one has to perform acts such as penance for omission of sanskâras, the resolve for marriage (vivâhasankalpa), worship of Lord Ganesh, Punyâhavachan, worship of the Mâtruka deities, Nândishrâddha, a sacrificial fire for the planets (grahayadnya), installation of the deity of the pandal (mandapdevatâpratishthâ), installation of the family deity (kuldevatâ) and worship of the deity of oil and turmeric (tailharidrâdevatâ).

          Preparation: On the day before the wedding the father of the bride and the father of the groom should apply oil and bathe (abhyangasnân), so also should the bride and groom, in their respective homes. Then wearing good clothing and draping the shoulders with a garment they should sit facing the east. The wife should sit to the right of the husband and the one on whom the sanskâr is to be performed, that is the bride or the groom, on her right side.

The resolve (sankalpa) for the marriage of the son and daughter

The resolve for the son’s marriage: ‘I am performing this rite of marriage (Vivâha sanskâr) of my son named ….. to acquire the grace of The Lord and to acquire the ability to generate progeny capable of liberating him from the debts to the deities and ancestors, according to Righteousness (Dharma).’

The resolve for the daughter’s marriage: ‘I am performing this act of the rite of marriage of this daughter of mine so as to acquire the grace of The Lord by following Righteousness along with her husband, generating progeny, accepting the fire worshipped in the house (gruhyâgni) and attaining the right to follow the path of Righteousness.’

The resolve is made by both parties, that is the bride’s and the groom’s:  ‘I will perform the rite of marriage of my son named …. Or daughter named …., tomorrow. I am performing the worship of Lord Ganapati, Svastivâchan, worship of the Mâtrukâ deities, Nândishrâddha and a sacrificial fire for the planets (grahayadnya) to obtain their favourability, installation of the deity of the pandal (mandapdevatâ) and of the family deity (kuladevatâ). I am also worshipping the deity of oil and turmeric.’

Installation of the deity of the pandal/installation of deities (mandapdevatâpratishthâ  / devak basvine): It is customary to establish the deity o the pandal and Lord Ganapati, the vanquisher of obstacles, at the commencement of the sanskârs (rites) of marriage, thread ceremony, etc. so as to carry them successfully to completion. This itself is know as installation of the deities (devak). For this, sacred grass (dûrvâ), leaves of trees such as shamî, etc. are rolled in the leaves of the mango tree and tied with new cotton thread. Six such bundles are made. The fifth bundle among these represents the pestle (musal). A stick of sacrificial firewood (samidh) is included in this bundle. A blade of sacred grass (darbha) is put in one of the bundles to symbolize a weapon. All these are known as branches (shâkhâ). Then the branches are affixed to anew sifting pan (sûp) in the following manner – four on one side, the bundle containing the pestle and the stick of sacrificial firewood is placed to their north and the bundle with the weapon of sacred grass to its north. Then concentrated rice (akshatâ), turmeric and betel nuts are put into an earthen pot, which is painted white. The mouth of the pot is closed with an earthen lid and a cotton thread is wound around it. The pot is also placed in the sifting pan. It is called the pot warding off obstacles (avignakalash). A coconut drapes with cotton thread, symbolizing the family deity is placed beside it. Commencing from south to north the deities Nandinî, Nalinî, Maitrâ, Umâ, Ashuvardhinî and Shastragarbhâ Bhagvatî in that order are invoked in the six bundles and Lord Ganapati the vanquisher of obstacles is invoked in the pot. The five deities are then established on the pillars in the four corners of the pandal and the central pillar and are ritualistically worshipped. After this the host lifts the pot warding off obstacles and places in his wife’s hand while he holds the sifting pan. Then the host couple installs the pot and shifting pan. Then the host couple installs the pot and the shifting pan on three heaps of rice in a clean, decorated north-east corner of the house or near the temple in the house. Various mantras are to be chanted when all these rituals are being performed. This ritual is known as installation of the deity of the pandal (mandaodevatâpratishthâ).

 After the completion of the above ritual the relatives and friends of the host offer presents like clothes, etc. to the host couple. The Marâthâs and people belonging to some other classes perform the ritual two days before wedding. The hosts of both sides go to the respective trees where their family deity (devak) is situated and perform the ritualistic worship (pûjâ). A small branch of that tree is cut and brought home in a new sifting pan. Later that sifting pan is placed in the temple in the house and the betel nuts representing the various deities of the household are arranged in it and are all ritualistically worshipped. Simultaneously the washerwoman worships the grinding stone. On the ay of the marriage the groom is asked to sit on the grinding stone. Vermilion (kumkum) is applied on his forehead and unbroken rice (akshatâ) over it. This is known as the ceremony of “shes dharne”. This ritual is also known as the ritual of Devakundî or installation of the deities (devak), that is the ritual of establishing the divine pot (Kalashsthâpanprayog).

The day of the marriage: The rites before prior to marriage

Installation of the pot denoting the auspicious time (Muhûrtghatikâsthâpanâ)

The resolve (sankalpa): ‘I am installing the ghatikâyanta to know the auspicious moment for my daughter’s marriage rite (Vivâha sanskâr) scheduled for today.’

The ritual: A copper vessel should be placed on a heap of rice or any other food grain. Then chanting the mantra ‘Imam me’ water should be poured into it and the ghatikâyantra should be placed in it. One chants a mantra with the following meaning ‘O yantra (device) you are the chief among the yantrâs created by Prajâpati (Lord Brahmâ). Hence become the instrument of time in uniting the bride and the groom’.

Trying a string of flowers or pearls across the brow (mundâvalyâ): On the day of the wedding after completing his ritualistic actions (nityakarma) the groom should have lunch with his friends. At that time he should wear new attire and have the ‘mundâvalyâ’ tied across his brow. It is made by stringing together flowers or beads. This headgear is tied across the brow so that the ends overhang both the cheeks. In some non-Brâhman communities there is a custom of tying a headgear made from paper (bashing).

Departure (Varaprasthân) and arrival (Âgaman) of the groom: These are popular customs.

Refreshments (rukhvat): Before the departure of the groom (varaprasthân) the members of the bride’s family go to the place where the groom’s side has put up, admits pomp and fanfare. A decorated vehicle and refreshments (rukhvat) meant for the groom also accompany the procession. After serving refreshments to the groom he is requested to come to the bride’s house. This ritual is also called “muljâne” – going to fetch the bride from her home.

Departure of the groom to the bride’s house (Varaprasthân): The groom’s leaving for the bride’s house to wed her amidst playing of auspicious musical instruments is called the departure of the groom to the bride’s house along with his friends, in the vehicle. The Brâhmans should accompany the groom chanting the “Kanikradajjanusham” sûkta. Married women (suvâsinîs) should also accompany the groom.

               The servant walks behind the groom holding a plate of sweetmeats (halva). The groom’s sister walks with the groom holding a metal pot containing water (karâ), a coconut and a twig of mango leaves. She is known as the “karavli”. Should one pass a territory of a deity or encounter crossroads, a coconut is moved around the groom’s head and broken. As the groom reaches the decorated lintel (toran) of the pandal the maid servants pours a pot of water on his feet. Rice and curd mixed together is rotated around the groom’s head by a married woman or the bride’s mother. This is followed by moving lit lamps around his head (oukshan). Then the bride’s father comes forward, hands a coconut to the groom and leads him into the pandal (mandap).

The ritual of worship while crossing the border (Sîmântapûjan)

Definition:  The practice of honoring the groom at the border after he leaves his village (or if the proposal is from the same village, when he leaves his house) and enters the bride’s village by the bride’s relatives offering him clothes, etc. is known as the ritual of worship while crossing the border (Sîmântapûjan).

              Welcoming the groom and honoring the elder son-in-law: In this ritual of worship (pûjâ) the bride’s father washes the feet of the groom and offers him clothes and ornaments. At the same time he also offers betel nuts and betel leaves to all other members of the groom’s side. Before the ban on the dowry system by the law, the bride’s father would give the dowry to the groom’s father. The groom’s father would receive the dowry fearing that it may not be given after the marriage. According to the scriptures the offering to the groom (Varadakshinâ) is given after the giving away of the bride (Kanyâdân). At the time of Sîmântapûjan the bride’s father has to offer clothes and honour the elder son-in-law.

The place: This ritual rather than being Vedic is worldly. As its name suggests it should be performed at the village border. However, at present it has become customary to perform it either at the place where the groom says after his arrival at the bride’s village, in the temple of some deity like Mâruthi or any other convenient place.

Donning the sacred thread (Yadnyopavîtdhâran): Before marriage the groom wears one sacred thread (yadnyopavît). After the tying of the headgear (mundâvalyâ) to the groom the bride’s father gives him another sacred thread that is worn along with the previous one. After marriage one has to wear two sacred threads.

Worship with a mixture of honey and curd (Madhuparka pûjâ)

Definition: The mixture of honey and curd is called madhuparka. This mixture has a greater ability to absorb pleasant frequencies than either honey or curd alone. Some sugar cubes (khadîsâkhar), clarified butter (ghee) and water to the above mixture. If curd and honey are not available then milk is used instead of curd and jaggery instead of honey.

The Resolve (Sankalpa): ‘ I am worshipping the groom who has come to my place to accept my daughter, with madhuparka as a part of giving away the daughter (kanyâdân)’. The bride’s mother should pour water and the bride’s father should first wash the groom’s right, then left and then both the feet and wipe them with a dry towel.

Sprinkling of the mixture of honey and curd (Madhuparkaprokshan): Using the thumb and ring finger the groom should sprinkle the madhuparka in various directions intended for various deities and then partake of it. The deities get appeased with this act and prevent obstacles posed by distressing energies at the marriage ceremony.

Worshiping of Lord Shiva (Har) and His consort Gourî (Gourîharpûjan): This is popular ritual.

Definition: Worship of Gourî and Har means the worship of the deities Pârvatî and Shiva.

The ritual: On the wedding day the bride should be given a ritualistic bath (mangalsnân) and new clothes to wear. Then on the grinding stone and muller used in the house (or two other stones) pictures of Gourî and Har should be drawn with turmeric. New cotton thread should be wound around the grinding stone. Then four pots should be placed on its four sides and it should be worshipped with the resolve of prolonging married life, etc. The reasons behind worshipping Gourî and Har thus are as follows:

1. Just as the relationship of the grinding stone and the muller with one another is binding and binding and solid so should that of the bride and groom be.
2. The energy generated in the grinding stone should enter their system through food and increase their sâttvik (sattva predominant) nature.
3. The resolve (sankalpa): ‘ I am worshipping Gourî and Har so that I may acquire eternal married life, good progeny and plentiful food, wealth, etc.

Until the time of departure to the pandal (mandap) for the wedding, the bride keeps offering rice to Gourî and Har. After this worship when the bride is taken for the ritual of holding the wedding curtain (Antahâpatdhâran vidhi) the bride’s mother takes over the worship of Gourî and Har until the wedding ceremony is complete so that the bride has a happy life. Consequently she does not see the bride and groom garlanding one another. This rule is followed so that the mother does not feel unhappy thinking ‘‘my daughter now belongs to someone else’’ and mar the spirit of the happy occasion. As men are less emotional than women this rule does not apply to the bride’s father. In some communities the groom’s mother too does not listen to the chanting of the eight auspicious verses (mangalâshtakâs) thinking that now she does not have a right to her son as before.

Worship of the card denoting the auspicious time (Muhûrtapatrikâpûjan): Before the wedding ceremony starts, the card written by the astrologer denoting the auspicious time should be worshipping. This is called worship of the card denoting the auspicious time (Muhûrtapatrikâpûjan).

The wedding

The ritual of holding the wedding curtain (Antahâpatdhâran vidhi)

Definition: A folded sheet of cloth having double width held as a curtain between the bride and the groom from the southern direction is called antahâpat or antarpât.

The ritual: Before the marriage ceremony starts, as the auspicious time starts drawing near, the priests should make two heaps of a kilo of white washed rice or two wooden seats (pâts) of mango wood should be drawn with vermilion (kumkum), etc. on either side of it, in the center. Then that wedding curtain (antarpât) should be held horizontally by any two persons as a partition such that its selvedged ends face the north. Energy can enter through these ends (or ends of any object). Since pleasant energies are present towards the north the ends are kept in that direction. (Distressing energies are present in the south.) Out of the heaps made earlier the groom should be made to stand on the heap towards the east facing the west and the bride should be made to stand on the heap towards the west facing the east. Then both should be given a mixture of some rice, jaggery and cumin seeds in their palms. This is the last of the individual sanskârs (rites) of the bride and groom.

The ritual of mutual observation (Paraspar nirîkshan vidhi)

Definition: The ritual performed to make the bride and groom look at each other lovingly is called the ritual of mutual observation.

The ritual: Both the bride and groom should chant the name of their family deity in their minds, ‘Amushyai namahâ’ and stand looking at the svastik on the wedding curtain. Pleasant frequencies from the svastik help to generate positive thoughts about one another.

Chanting of eight auspicious verses (Mangalâshtakâs) and the ritual of showering the couple with consecrated rice (Akshatâropan vidhi): Although these are only eight, nowadays many are chanted.

                             ‘Jai ghantâ shabda pramânam atyâsandhi sâvdhân.

                             Ati sulagna sâvadhan sâvadhan ati sumuhûrt sâvadhan.

                             Ati sâvadhan. Sâvadhan. Sâvadhan.’

          Thus after the chanting of the eight auspicious verses is complete there should be a thunderous applause and musical instruments should also be played. After chanting the mantra ‘Tadev lagnam sudinam tadev tarabalam chadrabalam tedev | vidyabalam daivabalam tadev lakshmipate tenghriugante smarami||’ and saying ‘sumuhûrtamstu OM pratistha ||’ (meaning – may this be an auspicious moment and an honorable event) the wedding curtain (antahâpat) should be drawn from the north. Then the priest should make the couple sprinkle the mixture of rice, jaggery and cumin seeds on each other’s heads and tell both to look at each other lovingly and garland one another. The bride should garland the groom first. In modern times rice, jaggery and cumin seeds are not used, only garlands are exchanged.

Variation: The groom should touch the bride in between her eyebrows with the tip of a blade of sacred grass (darbha) saying ‘Om bhûrbhuvahâ svahâ’ and then throwing it away sip water from his palm (âchaman). The seat of the Âdnyâ chakra is at the root of the nose in between the eyes. This ritual is performed so that the energy generated from the chanting of ‘Om bhûrbhuvahâ svahâ’ penetrates the Âdnya chakra. The wife should obey the husband, as he alone is her Guru and God. Obeying the husband is her spiritual practice. This is akin to a disciple obeying the guru as his spiritual practice. Thereafter the groom and bride should sit opposite each other, the groom facing the east and the bride west. The priest should then place consecrated rice (akshatâ) in the palms of both and first ask the bride to shower it on the groom’s head and then the groom to shower it on the bride’s head. This should be repeated three or five times. This showering of rice on one another is to fulfill each other’s desires of Righteousness (Dharma), wealth (artha), desire (kâma) and progeny (santati). Then the parents of the bride and groom and the families of both should shower consecrated rice on the couple and pronounce that the marriage has been solemnized. Nowadays mostly when chanting the eight auspicious verses (mangalâshtakâs), each time when ‘Shubhamangala sâvadhân’ is recited only a little consecrated rice is showered on the couple. The rest of the consecrated rice in the hand is showered in the direction of the bride and groom after they have garlanded each other. If they happen to be at a distance then the consecrated rice is showered in their direction.

          In the olden times after the rite of tying the thread around the wrist (Kankanabandhan) the bride and groom would shower consecrated rice on one another in order to fulfill each other’s desires of Righteousness (Dharma), wealth (artha), desire (kâma), progeny (santati), etc. and would apply tilak (kumkum) and garland one another.            The unbroken gain is an embodiment of fertility, prosperity, etc. Besides it also has the energy to overcome distressing energies such as sprints, blank magic, etc. Hence unbroken rice grain is used.

The gathering at the marriage (lagnasabhâ): This is a popular custom. ‘After the garlanding of the bride and groom all the guests at the wedding take seats in the pandal. This is referred to as the gathering at the marriage. Then the hosts of both the parties honour the guests by offering them betel leaves and betel nuts, perfume, roses, perfume, roses, bouquets, sweetmeats (pedhâs), coconuts, etc. The hostess offers otî to the married women (suvâsinîs).’ 

The ritual of giving away the daughter (Kanyâdân)

Definition: The giving away of the bride (daughter) to the groom is called the ritual of giving away of the daughter (Kanyâdân). People wonder how the ritual of giving away of the of the daughter is performed after the bride and groom have already wed one another. Every ritual includes the resolve (sankalpa), the ritual according to the resolve, and pronouncing the fulfillment of the resolve, or a ritual to that extent [for instance offering water into a circular, shelving metal dish (tâmhan)]. In the same way the promise of giving the daughter’s hand in marriage (Vahnishchay) always includes the resolve of the ritual of giving away the daughter (Kanyâdân). During the marriage the bride and groom garland one another. This itself is the ritual according to the resolve. This is followed by the ritual of fulfillment of the resolve of giving away of the daughter. That is why it follows the wedding.

          The resolve: ‘I named …. Belonging to …. Pravar and …. Lineage (gotra) am giving away my daughter through the rite of marriage (Brâhmavivâha) in order to obtain the merit of the ritual of giving away the daughter for all my ancestors like attaining the region of Brahmâ (Brahmalok) along with Bliss of an unparalled nature, to obtain purification and upliftment of twelve members of the clan of the father and twelve members of the clan of the groom and myself (a total of twenty-five) and to appease and acquire the grace of Shri Laksmînârâyan by way of the children born to the daughter and her groom.’

The ritual: One should say, ‘I am giving away this beautiful daughter of mine adored with gold ornaments to you considering you as Lord Vishnu, with the hope of attaining Brahmâ’s region. I am giving away this daughter to you for the upliftment of my ancestors with The Omnipresent Lord, all elements and deities as witnesses’. Then taking a new bronze plate one should place the cup pf the palm (anjali) of the daughter over it, that of the groom over hers and finally one’s own over the groom’s. Then the vessel containing water charged with a mantra earlier for the ritual of giving away the daughter should be handed to one’s wife present to one’s cupped palms continuously in a fine stream. This is done so that the water from one’s cupped palms falls on the right hand of the groom’s cupped palms and through that onto the cupped palms of the bride and finally into the bronze vessel. As the marriage has already occurred the bride stands to the left of her husband, similarly her cupped palms lie below those of her husband.

          The groom would say, ‘I accept this girl for the fulfillment of Righteousness (Dharma) and for acquiring progeny. The bride’s father should tell the groom, ‘Do not violate the regulations with regard to Righteousness, wealth (artha), desire (kâma) pertaining to her’. The groom should clearly state ‘I will not violate the regulations (nâticharâmi)’.

The distinctive feature of giving away the daughter (Kanyâdân): In all other offerings the recipient gets the object exactly as it is donated for example money, a cow, etc. However, in the ritual of giving away of the daughter when the bride’s father offers the daughter to the groom he gets a wife instead of a daughter.

Offerings to the groom (Varadakshinâ): The bride’s father gives an offering (dakshinâ) to the groom. Along with it he also gives a water vessel (tâmbyâ), a circular, shelving metal dish (tâmhan), a vessel for worship (panchapâtrî), a plate (tât), etc.

The dowry system: The Indian (Bhâratîya) people have considered marriage as a type of offering (dân). In marriage the daughter has to be offered to the groom. While donating one also has to give an offering either in cash or gold as without such an offering, the donation remains incomplete. Hence it was an ancient tradition to give the groom some amount in cash or a gold ornament for the sake of the daughter, after offering her to him. It cannot be called dowry in the conventional sense of the term as this offering was dependent on the bride’s father’s wish.’

The ritual of sprinkling water in which gold is put (Suvarnâbhiskek vidhi): In this ritual some gold is kept immersed in water and that water is sprinkled on the heads of the bride and the groom.

The ritual of winding the thread (sûtraveshtan): The bride and groom are made to sit facing each other (the groom’s maternal uncle should sit behind the groom and the bride’s maternal uncle or any other relative should sit behind the bride as supporters.)

Then two strands of new, white cotton thread should be soaked in milk and wound around the neck and waist of the bride and groom in five turns from the northeastern direction. The mantra chanted at that time means – ‘May these words of ours bind you on all sides, bestow you with longevity and endow you with happiness’. Thus after the winding of thread is over, the thread around the neck should be followed to fall on the ground and the bride and groom should be asked to stand up. Then the thread fallen on the ground should be picked up. To symbolize the continuity of man’s life (full lifespan), during sanskârs (rites) and on other auspicious occasions winding of the thread (sûtraveshtan) is performed. (An earthen pot is used to depict the transitory nature of life.)

Tying the thread around the wrist (kankanbandhan): Vermilion (kumkum) is applied to the thread used in the ritual of winding the thread (sûtraveshtan). It is twisted and a piece of turmeric and wool is tied to it. The groom should say, ‘The relationship of the bride with the evil spirit troubling her is now severed. Its colour has now become bluish red. As it had departed now, the brethren of the bride will prosper and her husband is being bound to her’, and ties it to the bride’s left wrist. Then removing the thread from the waist, wool and a piece of turmeric is tied to it in the same way. The bride then ties it to the right wrist of the groom, chanting the same mantra.

Tying the auspicious thread (Mangalsûtrabandhan): Married women (suvâsinîs) from the gro