At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows,

shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7.The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

-Kishoo

Some amusing characteristics of cats. Do they sound familiar?

--Cats do what they want. --They rarely listen to you.

--They are totally unpredictable.--They whine when they are not happy.

--When you want to play, they want to be alone. --When you want to be alone, they want to play.

--They expect you to cater to their every whim.--They are moody.

--They leave hair everywhere.--They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.

--CONCLUSION: They are tiny little women in fur coats.

This is an actual collection of leave letters and applications .....

1. A candidate's application:  "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a "typist and an accountant - Male or Female"...As I am both for the past several years  and I can handle both, I am applying for the post.

2. An employee  applied for leave as follows: "Since I have to go to my village to sell  my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one week leave."

3.  Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: "Since I have to go to the cremation ground and I may not return, please grant me half day   casual leave."

4. A leave letter to a headmaster: "As I am  studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today.

5. Another letter written to the headmaster: "As my headache is paining, please grant  me leave for the day".

6.  Another "I am suffering from fever, please declare holiday to the school."

7. A covering note "I am enclosed  herewith..."

8. Another leave letter written to Administration dept: "As  my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me  10   days leave."

9. Actual letter written for application of leave:  "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave"

10. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope  you are also in the same well."

Amusing: L/R brain coordination.....
It's worth a try.

While sitting at your desk make clockwise circles with your right foot. While doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.

Celine, Mumbai

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee". The husband said, " You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says

"HEBREWS"

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife." So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him. Well, one day he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!" She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket. She said, "Yes, I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his  watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears. He asks her, "Mary, what time is it?"

Mary answers instantly and with a smile!  The questioner is thoroughly impressed!!! He asks, "What kind of a watch is  that?" "It's like a TV with two-way real-time communication," the gentleman  explains. He adds that the watch is the latest technology with Intel's  brand  new 128-bit chip with processor speed of 10 Gigahertz.

The onlooker is now quite impressed and wanted to know if he could buy this  watch from the gentleman. They agree on a price and the cash was handed  immediately. The gentleman takes his watch out and hands it over and then away. The new owner stares at the two heavy suitcases and shouts,  "Sir, you forgot your suitcases."
The gentleman stops, smiles, and replies, "No, they are yours now. They are  the modems you need for your new watch .

Jossie Pinto, Kuwait

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's  home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling  put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss  asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes" whispered the small voice.  "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."  Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

“Yes" came the answer.  "May I talk with her?"

Again, the small voice whispered, "No" Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

 "Yes" whispered the child, "a policeman."

 Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"  "No he's busy" said the little voice. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

 "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman." came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard the sound of a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What isthat noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.  "What is going on there?!" asked the boss, now getting alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."  Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?!"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,  "Me!"

Ivan Pinto